Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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