you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
