Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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