I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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