I think my fart just growled at me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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