moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
