Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize