Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
is wine microwaveable?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize