There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
