But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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