i love accidental penises.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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