I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
