When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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