I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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