And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
