I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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