And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
