She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just pee around me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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