Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
