I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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