Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There's always time for handjobs
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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