the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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