I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize