I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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