With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize