she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
