Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
