I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
