I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
