Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
