This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
