my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
bring money and cleavage
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
