Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
