You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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