the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
