Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
