My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
