i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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