she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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