So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
