and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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