So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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