What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
