recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
