So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
