Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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