I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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