Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
