Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
