Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
