I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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