I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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