arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
