MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize