By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
