i permit you to call me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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