I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
