If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
