I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I will pee on everything he values.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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