Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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