I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
