oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
