So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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