That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i think my cat just said my name.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
