I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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