found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
