think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
