Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
