ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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