did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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