that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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