Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
