I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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