So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
